The Circle of Hell

So, finally, my mom’s coming over to visit me. I was so excited. It’s been a long while. These two years, I missed her like hell. It felt like an infinity. My mom hated my decision. She used to cry for hours on end just to calm herself down. But, when greener pastures beckon, one must grab the opportunity with both hands. I myself didn’t regret the decision. This place is pure heaven. So serene and tranquil, that I fell in love with it the moment I entered.

“Hi mom… How are you? Long time no see!!”
“You still haven’t changed, have you Nithya?”
“Mom, I’m so happy that you’ve come. You won’t go back, will you? I missed you a lot.”
“No dear I won’t be going back. And, your dad won’t be coming.”
“Thank goodness. I was beginning to wonder whether I would ever get to see you again.”
“You’ll forever remain mama’s girl. Oh! When are you going to grow up, darling? I missed you a lot, you know…” mom’s tears spoke.
We embraced. It was a strange feeling. A bit awkward, to be precise.

***

Of course, it was my dad who had started it all. Looking back, I could guess what I did was rather silly but it led to me making the most important decision of my life.

The night sky had a beautiful tinge of indigo to it. My mom was away for the weekend. But, I had my dad for company.

I adored him. He was my hero.

“Dad, I love you”

He hugged me tightly. And, gave me a kiss on my cheek.

“I know sweetheart. Come let’s sleep.”

I did notice that his hand touched my breasts when he hugged me, and his kiss was too close to my mouth for comfort.

But, well, he was my dad. And, holding his arm in mine, I walked with him to our room.

***

I lay in the hospital bed, with my eyes closed. I was feeling dizzy. My breathing was erratic. I could hear voices of all sorts.

I could hear my mom crying in the distance. I could hear my dad’s scampering footsteps. I could hear talks about me. The press. The police. The people. The entire world.

“Bitch”

“Oh god, how could her father do this to her?”

“Stay strong darling, I love you. I need you”

“Justice will do its duty.”

“Whore”

“Damn his father. Let him burn in hell.”

“We are doing our best. Her father will get the highest punishment possible”

“Let her burn in hell. She must have been wearing only skirts.”

“Screw her”

“We are doing our best. The rest is up to God”

“She must have been the one to start it all”

Shame. Infinite shame. Fills my heart. Fills my soul. I’m not worth that shit. I hear it over and over again. These little voices. Refuses to shut up.

My heart beat was erratic. I smiled. It was then that I made my decision. In hindsight, I could have waited longer, but, I have no regrets.

My heart beat was erratic no more.

 ***

So, finally, my mom’s coming over to visit me. These two years, I missed her like hell. She used to cry for hours on end just to calm herself down. She had taken the same decision as I did.

“Hi mom… This place is heavenly isn’t it?”
She smiled. “What a pun with words. Always joking around”
“Mom, I’m so happy that you’ve come. You won’t go back, will you? I missed you a lot.”
“No dear I won’t be going back. It wasn’t worth it. And, your dad won’t be coming.”

“Thank goodness. What happened to him anyways?”
“They proved that nobody raped you” mom’s tears spoke.

I smiled.

***

This post is part of the Chennai Bloggers Club’s CBC VIBGYOR BLOG TAG. Today’s color theme was Indigo.

‘Indigo ribbon campaign’  was founded to protect the victims of stalking and few other crimes such as bullying, harassment, systematic harassment/stalking.

The pain of harassment and rape is beyond interpretation. Beyond words. Beyond imagination. And, when it comes from the people you look up to, the people you trust, the people you love, it is a feeling worse than death itself.

The greatest threat to society is not what happens outside the four walls of homes. It is what happens inside.

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18 thoughts on “The Circle of Hell

    • Yes Bhavia, a sad truth that rises its head like an ugly snake everyday. 😦 Writing about it is a minuscule thing, yes, but, I hope I make a difference. I promised myself that I will become someone my children can feel proud of. 🙂

  1. I am in tears ,as Lakshmi said it happens everywhere but only in India such craps easily escape punishments.
    “The greatest threat to society is not what happens outside the four walls of homes. It is what happens inside.” so true,great write up

    • Thank you Harini. When I wrote this I felt an emptiness, a feeling of sadness for the state of affairs that face India. Gloomy reality faces us all, with no light or rainbows in sight. Someday in the distant future, I hope that we live in a better world, a better India that I would be proud of 🙂 We all can make a difference, I believe. I pray. I trust.

  2. Your posts are amazing! They all deal with sensitive issues, that need to see the light. And the way you weave a story to highlight that issue is awesome! 🙂
    Children (and even adults) being abused by people, well known to them is a curse to mankind, that needs to be stopped at any cost.

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