It kills me from within when I speak of the pain I go through now. Things left unsaid, I cannot let my emotions speak. I have to hide those tears from my eyes and give her a weak smile, a fake smile. Pain. Ultimate torture. Hiding someone’s love just because the other person does not reciprocate is a feeling worser than death. I prefer being killed, slaughtered right here, right now instead of being in such a position. I pray to God that none in this world, not even my enemies, should go through such an intense emotional trauma that I go through now.
It pains you to hide your love and put on a false brave mask of friendship. A veil to just stop your feelings of intense longing to be with her forever. I do it with a smile, because I don’t want to lose her. I do it with a smile because I love her. I do it with a smile because I cannot live without her in my life. I do it with a smile because she gives me those smiles. I do it with a smile because she is the reason I live.
After living in dreams so divine, sharing my entire self with her, and giving her my heart to take care of, I find myself alone. TOTALLY ALONE. The heart that beats for her is safe…with me. It fails to beat further as it knows that the girl it loves can never caress it nor care for it. And, when she mentions that she wants to be my sister, the end of the world is visible. Oh god, why should I go through such a mental state? Did I commit such a great sin to be treated this way ? is loving someone such a great mistake ? why do you kill me but don’t really kill me ? Am alive, but, am dead.
When she mentions it to a guy who loves her that she has taken me as her brother, she felt so happy. She cares a lot for that guy feeling bad that she spends most of her time with me. She wants him to know that she is always closest to him and that she will always care for him the most in this world. Why else should she have to mention that I became her brother? God, it pains me! I hate living in this world. I don’t need to live longer. God, let me come to you.
It kills the most when two people who could have ideally become the best couples in the world would become complete strangers the next moment. My case is worser, I’d have preferred to go away than stay and get hurt every second. But, I still stay strong, ready to act, put a false mask again, put on a smile again and stay with her as her brother if that is what she wants from me. If she loves him the most in this world that she would consider telling him that I become her brother so happily, wowww…then let it be. God, I beg u. I don’t need this. Please take me away.
Here’s to the gal I love the most in this world. . . Tomorrow when you wake up, I will be awake already. Tomorrow when you wake up, you will treat me as your brother, you wont speak the way as if nothing has ever happened between the both of us. Whatever happened between us is not even a memory. It’s gone. Now we will be brothers and sisters. If u are happy with him, stay with him. I realise how much you love your parents and how much you care for him. I know you feel hurt whenever he feels hurt. I know you wanted to make him happy by saying that am just your brother. He is the perfect man for u in your life. As for me? I loved spending each and every moment of my life with you…those beautiful moments in the canteen, in restaurants, cafes, shopping malls, cinema theatres, buses, autos and those moments in the rain. J U are such a great gal dear, your parents are very lucky to have you in your life. I have never seen a woman love her parents the way you do. I’m proud of you, of whatever you have achieved, of whatever you will achieve in the future. Am leaving you forever sweetheart, after these two years. I will never come into your life again after you achieve your dreams. I’m staying with u just because I want my baby doll to be the best in the whole world…and I know you will be J and till that day when I finally disappear from your life, I wil stay with u… as your brother, just the way you wanted me to be. U can be happy with him. Don’t deny yourself. Everytime you call him through the day waiting to see if he just picks up your call…wow, you wait with lots of care…which shines through your eyes dear. He would trust you and love u even more since you made me your brother. Go. I will always be there for you sweetheart, if you need me.
God, you know how much I love her. You are the only person in the world who can understand what I go through now. Please take me away as soon as possible. Darling, you were mine, you are mine, and you will be mine. I cant live without you, I will forever take care of you with all my heart, my soul J and you know I will. I will always love u forever. And you know I will. And we will always be happy together….you know we can. If we marry, we would be the best couple in the whole world. And you know we will. I will never go to another gal in my life and I will take care of your family like my own. They will love me. And you know they will.
I love you beyond my life, I will always love you till the day I die and even after that I will. I just hide it every single time. Tears are falling from my cheeks now darling, I love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Goodbye sweetheart. Wish you the best married life and all the best for your career and your future dreams. you will achieve them all and make me proud. J Even if I’m in heaven at that time, I will surely smile at my little baby winning hearts and winning the world. Take care of your hubby, and please take care of your little babies when you get them. Who knows? I can maybe take a rebirth and come as your kid. I’d be the most luckiest baby in the world J