What’s the problem?

Dear diary,

I’ve been really worked up these past few days and hence haven’t really found time to write. We had our results announced early on Friday morning and I’m glad that I was able to scrape through. I was delighted even as many of my friends fell prey to atleast one arrear. Out of our class of sixty, only twelve cleared all. To be one among the privileged few never held more value than in this list. I’m not going to write about myself. I prefer to concentrate on my friends who unfortunately messed it up when it came to the big test after performing so well in the earlier unit tests and revision exams.

Of course, I had the unenviable distinction of being the highest mark grosser in the entire college when I entered but I wasn’t interested in carrying the mantle again. I was sick and tired of reading for and writing exams for the past twelve years and I deserved a break. I had, after all, given it my all throughout and I needed to re-charge. I wanted to make my foray into writing blogs, starting magazines, enjoying life and mainly, allowing me to be myself. I was engrossed in it all that I missed my chance. Not to worry. This semester is mine.

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I’m veering off course. Back to my friends. I had a stage, infact, I had many stages in first year where my performance sank to new lows and I had to make do with grades that would make anyone puke. I had a permanent place at the bottom-something of the list and I was pretty ashamed. Questions were asked of me and my temperament. People never did have any doubts about my talent and knack for grasping, but like Marat Safin, I was bored of performing. Teachers tried in vain to help me tap my potential and they were left exasperated at my apparent lack of interest. They were actually desperate and in a way, felt sorry for themselves that they were losing a potential top-ranker.

You see, though I couldn’t do what I frequently achieve with eyes closed, I wasn’t burdening myself too much. I left my life to God. I knew. He always helps me out. My friends were not so lucky. I assure you that they studied a lot more than what I did throughout the year in the fifteen days prior to the exams. I was shocked to see some of my best friends failing to clear the entire lot. Infact, some of them were so note-worthy that I had to double-check if the names were really the names of my friends.

People who actually aced it in the unit tests and people who could make teachers themselves made the list. Many of the girls who were my dear friends and whom I had high opinions of failed to clear all. I’m not revealing names here, even though I know that no one actually reads my blogs. I felt for a few of them as they were closer to me than other girls. I couldn’t bear to see them cry. But you see, girls have this remarkable ability to move on. Just a few minutes of loud tears and voila, a smile and a grin. Infact, when a particular N failed in two subjects, she had to be comforted by her girl-friends even as she cried. I was sorry for her as she had been one of the most important chapters in my friends list. When I came back from lunch, she was smiling and held up two fingers to signify the number of arrears. Two other girls who were dear to me, S and S, failed to clear a subject each.

When it became known to us that the results were out, we (exclusive of me) started to panic. One of my best friends, SK, held my hand and conversed in silence. I could see that he was afraid. He asked me whether he would clear all. He had his share of troubles what with the impending loan for second year studies and all. I had to do it. I said to him that he would pass without any arrears for sure and that he rest-assure. But, as luck could have it, he failed in three subjects and I felt that I had let him down. I kicked myself for having lied to him to make him feel happy. Was lying an option? I don’t know. Was lying the right thing to do? I don’t know. His destiny is not in my hands. But his path onto destiny? I had made it better for him.

Tears, remarks, tempers, rebukes, embarrassment, anger and dejection will surely be seen in ample measure in the days to come. People will look for short-term solutions. Suicide will be on people’s minds. All that goes through a student’s mind in the immediate aftermath of the results is definitely not an option. Look ahead. Life goes on. Arrears will be cleared, tears will turn to sweat, dejection will turn to eagerness, anger will turn to bliss, frowns will turn to smiles and we’ll all end up happy and content.
What’s the problem?

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