I’ve given up on God now !!!

May 26th, 2008.

Today, I’ve changed man. I’ve changed. I no longer want to give my parents any more trauma. I will officially discard my daydream, that of joining visual communication in some prestigious college. I’ve grown sick and tired of the arguments that crop up at home as a result of this silly hallucination. My dad seems to have memorized a failures list who have ended on the wrong side of life with petty returns after pursuing vis-com. Well done. But, you see, it doesn’t take me a minute more than an hour to draw up another not so encouraging list of failures in B.A. English or even in B.A. marketing. You risked your asses pursuing English did you not? And you’ve just thrown your daughter into the cauldron of the marketing. You emerged unscathed and with a high pay government job at doordarshan didn’t you? And of course, my sis will pass out with flying colors, I’m sure of that.So that odds of repeating the ‘success’ are loaded heavily in my favor. Well, it seems that maybe I’m not so talented… or that you don’t have enough confidence in me. Yeah, I need to convince myself and resign to the fact that it’s a combination of both. Maybe I’m destined to travel for four hours a day. (This might interest the sponsors. After all, I travel long and wide, so in one canny stroke of shrewd businesmanship, you could paste your ads on me which would ensure better and immediate returns.)You might seem to think I’m still cribbing. Well, I am. You see, I’m allowed to bow out with my dignity afloat. Or am I not allowed that too?Whatever it is, I will step out of contention for that vis-com seat. Period. No hard feelings. I’ll manage somehow. I’ll do it during the holidays.And just because this is out of your way, don’t come out with thrusting another load on me. That stupid IAS course. Just because that batty astrologer claimed that I have a future in that field. Well, come to think of it, I remember him saying that I’ll also come good in cricket. Well, this might be the best example for selective amnesia. I’ll think over it. That’s all I can promise right now.I can’t explain the suffering one needs to go through when doing engineering. And don’t give me this crap of saying ‘I know, I know’ and putting a full stop immediately to the argument. Well, you see, first thing, you don’t and you won’t understand my feelings. And second, I need you more as an emotional vent (read more as a mother) than as an all-knowing philosopher. So at least keep mum and listen when I’m talking.I still have lots of options for pursuing films, cinematography etc., when I finish my degree. But, the reason I’m still bringing out the issue now is because you seem to have laid out a career plan for me already ala Santhosh Subramaniam. The film has come out in just the right time and I’m just a little surprised that you can’t identify yourself with it instantly.Please just let me be. I’m not a puppet for god’s sake. Take it or leave it.Despite all this, and I’m sure it’s just a little misunderstanding, I still love you. Period.

Your loving son.

Shree Vishnu Vardhan

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