God has given up on me !!!

May 20th, 2008
Well, this was one of those days. I’ve grown to detest these confrontations. Man, was I mad. I’ll tell you one thing first and foremost. I HATE engineering. Everyday when I look in the mirror and notice dark circles around my tired eyes and my weak aching body dragging itself forth to complete the morning routine, I feel so frustrated… so irritated… This is torture. Getting up at five in the morning every single day, driving out to my stop at six, a two hour travel to reach college, a monotonous routine of eight periods of rather dour subjects dragging my life out till three forty-five, another two hour travel, traffic permitting, till I get to finally reach home. What can one do after seven in the evening? Maybe write an article or two, do some homework, watch television for some time and then go to sleep at ten.
What’s the use of all this massacre? A sixty thousand pay per month? No, thanks… I don’t need that money. I feel sad and dejected thinking about my future, and I can guess right now the path it’ll take. A nine to five job at office for that cheque to reach your bank account. An MBA degree to boot. I really don’t deserve this. I always wanted to pursue arts. I felt I had a future as a creative head of some graphics company or as a film director. I always wanted to explore the nuances of photography, cinematography, or at least do a bit of business administration. Above all, I just wanted to fulfill my dreams and follow my passions. I always wanted to be a cricketer.
A cricketer… I know, you have to work out for at least an hour a day perfecting your technique, your batting skills, your bowling, your fielding… I’m a good cricketer, I promise you. But with this five to six routine how could I?
Had I done arts, I would have got time to practice, I would have got time to pursue a diploma or do a course in graphics, I would have got time to hang out with my friends… do the things that I always wanted to do. I can’t reverse time and for all you know, I’ll still be stuck up with engineering for the foreseeable future.
And don’t you dare mistake me as a pessimist or a critic. I don’t care if you do, anyway. Well, it still isn’t as bad as I’ve portrayed it to be. You still have time for pleasure. An outing with your friends to the theatre, a visit to the mall, eating out at a restaurant, writing… But, you see, I hate to see my creative juices being sucked up by a schedule that isn’t worth its weight in dust.
I will find a way out in the end somehow, but meanwhile, please bear with this poor writer.
Shree Vishnu Vardhan.


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